I pride myself on being emotionally resilient. Happy, smiley, bringing sparkle into people’s lives.
Recently, I lost my sparkle for the first time in a long, long time.
Why? Because I have an inner monkey mind.
I’ve decided to call him Pete. No idea why I chose Pete or why he’s a he, he just is.
Pete’s job is to keep me safe.
Ahhh you might say, how cute! Well, it’s all very admirable keeping me safe, but when he’s stopping me from doing something I really want to do, his incessant chattering can be very, very annoying.
He’s been quite busy in the past trying to keep me safe when changing schools, sitting exams, starting a new job or giving a presentation. Really in the face of any change or potential risk – or more importantly perceived risk – to my safety, he’s been there keeping me safe and afraid. If I’m afraid, I won’t leave my safe comfort zone. However much I don’t like it there.
In the past, if I didn’t want him to put me off trying something new, I either put him in a cage or ignored him. Both of which just gave him even more to say when I eventually let him out, or he escaped.
Pete kept me particularly busy in the run up to exam time, telling me there was no point in studying because I would never do as well as my sister, friends, or anyone really. I tried to study, but had to resort to doing this mostly at night, when Pete was tired after a long day chattering. When it came to exam day Pete continued to chatter that there was no point in me sitting the exam, that I would get brain freeze and so would fail anyway. Thankfully the combination of my lovely friend physically dragging me into the exam hall and my determination to get the exam over and done with somehow got me through. Until the next exam. Coping with my Inner Stress often exhausted me.
Over the years I tried lots of conventional, then unconventional approaches, to calm my stress monkey down a little. It was when it was clear that his constant chattering and ‘what ifs’ were affecting my health and then my ability to have a family, that I went in search of and discovered treatments that changed my life: reflexology and acupuncture.
The combination of these treatments and having a forum to voice Pete’s anxious thoughts helped me let go of my stress and feel more relaxed – about having a baby and life in general.
Not surprisingly life as a new mum gave Pete lots of opportunities to chatter about and with little time or inclination to go to classes, I started to feel those stressful thoughts re-surface.
So I decided on a new strategy. I read self-help books, went on courses and discovered calming techniques that I could use myself. The sensation of being able to breathe normally, feeling my shoulders relaxing and more importantly having a clearer head was nothing short of a miracle for me.
It even felt safe to let Pete out every now and again, allowing him to express his doubts and fears while I went on a bike ride, a run, a walk, did some gardening. We even tried using affirmations, which helped us feel a lot more positive, happier even.
Recently though, Pete escaped again.
I had been neglecting him for a while. Life took over; I was juggling a bit more than usual and didn’t take time out for me, or Pete.
Having not been let out for a long time he had a lot to say, mainly because I was just about to step way, way outside my comfort zone.
I finally relented and let him out. He chattered for a long while, ranted, he even swore a bit. It wasn’t always pleasant and sometimes I wanted to shut him back in his cage.
But by gradually acknowledging all his fears and anxiety we got to the good bit – inspiration on how we could move forward.
Using calming techniques every now and again, even once a week, isn’t enough for me. For the same reason that one-off diets never worked for me either. And why meditation experts recommend meditating every day.
It’s the daily self-care that brings about real change and resilience to cope with life’s challenges. Sometimes all it takes is 5 minutes to acknowledge, let go and move forward.
 And although even the words ‘self-care’ still bring up some feelings of guilt, I realise I need it – for my own and my family’s well being. I need to acknowledge Pete’s chattering and thoughts, so I can let them go and get back to thinking happy, sparkly thoughts again.
Pete and I still get triggered. But that’s ok; we’re enjoying being perfectly imperfect. We’ve realised that it’s the consistent and daily practise that helps us face daily and unexpected challenges.
If you feel guilty at the sheer thought of self-care, or are quite simply having a challenging day, try this heart breathing exercise.
 Slow down your breathing to the count of 6 and imagine breathing through your heart – slowly – in to the count of 6 and then out to the count of 6. You could even try putting your hand on your heart to help you focus. Continue this ideally for 2 minutes, but if you’re short of time, try 30 seconds.
How good does that feel?
Wasn’t it worth taking those 2 minutes to breathe and re-focus?
It doesn’t have to be difficult or take a lot of effort.
Why not try it for a few days and see how different you feel?
Tapping or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) helps me discover why I’m feeling stressed, change my thinking about the source of my stress and let it go.
Just taking 2-5 minutes to sit, breathe, tap and let go of any fears about the day ahead helps Pete and I be free (of chattering), so we can then go about setting a positive intention for the day.
When we spend a little time in the evening to let go of any thoughts or events that took up way too much of our thinking during that day, we both sleep so much more soundly.
Now that we’ve taken the pressure off ourselves, we’re enjoying having a quieter, even calm mind (most of the time), leaving us open to inspiring thoughts and even writing blogs like this.
Pete and I are so passionate about these literally life-changing techniques that we decided to finally face our fear of exams to become qualified in them, so we can help people let go of their fears and anxieties.
If you feel stressed what would it feel like to give your stress a name, a character?
How about taking some time out for you to do something simple like going for a walk, doing some gardening or dancing to your favourite feel-good song?
Just 5 minutes of self-care might just help you feel a little calmer.
If you’d like to learn more about quick easy-to-learn methods to quieten your monkey mind, sign up for my newsletter at http://www.bamazingu.com/ or email love@bamazingu.com.
Or if you’re ready to dive deep and let go of fears, anxieties or limiting beliefs that are holding you back, get in touch to discuss a package of individual sessions tailored to you.
Get ready to let go of your stress (monkey) so you can
Be Amazing Be You!